


Method

by orphan_account



Category: 8UPPERS (2010), Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2013-11-13
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:05:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1042998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From Okinawa to 8Uppers and the time afterwards - they were good at pretending to be other people, especially with each other. For je-fqfest 2013.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Method

**Author's Note:**

  * For [travelingpsycho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/travelingpsycho/gifts).



If there was one thing they were good at, it was pretending to be other people. A cocksure rockstar, a charismatic ladies' man, a depressive who thought too much, a hat collector with a love for soul music on a Sunday, a sexual powerhouse, an dorkish lonely soul - facets of their personalities and a sign of the machine they were a part of; pieces of one of those impossible puzzles with no edges and extra pieces that everyone got for their birthday in the 1990s.

 

Which is probably why they were always so awkward around each other, why when they looked at each other it was kind of like looking into a mirror. There's something frightening about meeting someone who could possibly be your other half, especially when you weren't sure _what_ your half exactly was, so from the beginning they'd actively worked to keep the other at an arm's length in case they actually had to, y'know, articulate whatever it was burning between them. But like magnets, or an equally bad metaphor, they always found themselves floating towards each other anyway. 

 

Birds of a feather, and all that - and, as they later would find out, inevitability is a bitch. 

 

\--

 

If there was one thing they were good at, it's pretending to be other people, especially on stage. It's no surprise when they kiss onstage in Okinawa. In fact, the people most surprised are the fans and the two themselves, and Ryo looks at the pictures (probably going to be on the wall of the Johnny's shop for ¥150 soon enough) as his stomach begins to churn.

 

"It's kind of obvious," Yoko'd said when he'd dumped the pictures in front of Ryo, walking away and shrugging infuriatingly when asked "what is?" Because it didn't take a super-observant genius like Yokoyama You to notice what was radiating from these shots - they're almost too intimate, and he has the brief, stupid notion of shoving them under the couch or into a brown paper bag like all the best porn he owned. Instead, he slips them into the front pocket of his backpack and reaches for his smokes. 

 

Subaru wasn't there - something to do with his teeth and the dentist was thrown at them earlier - and Ryo welcomes the break to focus on working out what exactly was making his stomach throw around so violently. Fan cameras and Johnny's trained eye had missed what else had happened in Okinawa - the song over, backstage for a dress change and he can't remember who'd pinned who to what wall, but suddenly there was nothing but white noise and the salty taste of Subaru's mouth. They'd both been sweating buckets, Subaru's shirt long gone. Ryo remembers the slick feeling of Subaru's neck, their breath coming fast as their tongues fucked. It was decadent, heady; and when they'd finally come apart, it was like ripping open a seam. Then, saying nothing, they'd gone their separate ways with just a push to the shoulder.

It was like it'd never happened. Except now he had evidence in front of him that it actually _did_ occur, and the silence from not talking about it was about to break wide open - at least judging from the barrage of mails from his manager and Yoko's snarky comments. 

 

Maybe he should take Subaru aside. Maybe they _should_ talk about it. Together. Alone. Work it out, laugh it off - but's it's not that simple, and to be frank, Ryo's struggling with the fact it means more to him than he wants to admit. It's not something he wants dismissed and rolled over as a joke, even though he knows that he should - because if it came to that, Ryo knows he'd probably ask to be moved to NEWS full time, permanently. 

 

Truth be told, it hadn't taken a dirty moment caused by a sweaty post- _Eden_ high for Ryo to realise that maybe he had a _situation_ in regards to his feelings towards Subaru. Maybe he started to realise when trying to work out the rips of jealousy that pulled from nowhere, especially when Subaru would be climbing on Yasu like a tree - kissing him with drunk abandon when the best Ryo'd been able to muster in the same situation was a tentative kiss on Subaru's cheek. (Which, of course, had been answered with teasing the only likes of Kanjani8 could give and still expect to keep their friends in the morning.)

 

Maybe it was the time he was being ridden by a Californian blonde and he'd only been able to come when imagining Subaru's face; the early morning jerking off in the shower that was powered by fantasies of fucking Subaru while half in his Eight Ranger costume, fucking him when the others were in the next room, on the Shinkansen, in Johnny's office, in his own bed before letting Subaru stay because he actually wanted to see him in the morning. It'd become a standard, tried and true, and Ryo had almost blacked out in an Okinawan hotel room after the kiss thanks to his own damn hand and Subaru's smell still lingering around him like a fog. 

 

This shit hits you like a ton of bricks, and Ryo was almost certain an entire building had fallen on top of him. He felt stupid, useless; so he screwed girls and let his schedule devour him whole, trying not to think of the look that was in Subaru's eyes on the stage in Okinawa. Like he'd wanted it, too, but it was easier to just work and get distracted instead of dealing with whatever this massive problem that was now in front of them. 

 

Ryo thinks of picking up his phone. Calling Julie, requesting the move to NEWS full time. He could do it - it'd kill him, if he were honest, because he needed Eito like he needed air, as cheesy as it was - but the nasty voice in the back of his head knows that the person he'd want to care the most wouldn't even blink. 

 

"You wouldn't care," he says to no-one, to the empty room, and he wonders for a brief moment if he's lost his mind or he'd suddenly started channeling into one of his drama roles. "You wouldn't notice I was even gone, because you're a big tough rockstar, right? Tattoos and barefeet and you’re either going to become the most brilliant Johnny’s Japan has seen, or an epic douchebag. I don't care, though. I don't care that I'm talking to an empty room like an idiot, because if I keep this to myself any longer, I’ll burst." 

 

"I don't care, because you don't care." The tirade almost tires him out - because it's so ridiculous - but the buzz he gets from finally articulating it, even to an empty room, makes him a little giddy. He lights another cigarette, then pulls the photos out of his backpack and stares at them like they had the answers he didn't. Slowly, his cigarette dangling from his lips, he rips the pictures in two - it's petty, but it feels good, at least for a moment. He smirks, bittersweet. "Except I do care, and it kills me that you don't. And I hate you for that. Almost as much as I think you hate me."

 

A rough laugh comes from behind him, tearing the room apart. Ryo spins around, barely in time to see the flash of black hair and Converse sneakers walking out of the room.

 

\--

 

Ohkura's eating a bag of hundred yen popcorn he'd picked up when they stopped at the conbini earlier. There were constants in this world - death, taxes, Maru setting the mood and Ohkura eating food. Subaru needs these constants - Maru's somewhere, maybe a phone interview; he's paid his taxes and death doesn't seem imminent, so he sits next to Ohkura as he calmly works his way through the bag. 

 

"Hi," he gets when he sits down, and an offering of the bag. "Want some?"

 

Subaru doesn't, really; his appetite is less than stellar when stressed and he can't get Ryo's tirade out of his head long enough to calm himself down. But he reaches his hand into the bag, the salt clinging to his knuckles as he pulls out a handful and stuffs it in his mouth. Ohkura smiles, like he knows that the last meal Subaru had attempted was a lukewarm bento covered in shiitake mushrooms. 

 

Out of all of them, Ohkura's the silent calm among the chaos. A classy guy, painfully quiet sometimes, but with a heart bigger than their height difference. Subaru knows he should come to Ohkura more, but he, like the others, knows how hard it is to talk about "feelings" and "emotions" and "gross" things to Ohkura, because he's so adamantly opposed to them. But Subaru doesn't want to talk, really - he just wants to sit and digest popcorn and out-of-nowhere bullshit about bandmates caused by grainy photos and too many memories with a friend and little to no talking. Ohkura's good for that, and Subaru suddenly wants to tell him everything. About all the horrible, terrible, no-good and amazing things he was feeling, all because of Okinawa - that's how he'd labelled the whole thing in his head, because labeling made Subaru feel better - and the sudden knowledge that hindsight? Is 20-fucking-20.

 

But he doesn't, of course, so they sit in silence bar the munching coming mostly from Ohkura. 

 

"You can talk to me," and Subaru almost jumps out of his skin. "I'm a good listener. Not great at advice, but I can listen." Ohkura reaches into the bag and puts popcorn into his mouth. "You can think of me as the Human Sphynx."

 

"The Human Sphynx." Subaru smiles. "Really?"

 

"My nose is bigger, but the feeling is the same."

 

"Ah."

 

"Ah?"

 

"Just…'ah'."

 

"We know it's more than that."

 

"'We'?"

 

Ohkura shrugs, rustling the bag a little. "When you're as close as we are, you know things. Or everything is routine, almost, like Maru's impossibly timed toilet breaks, and Yoko's nap time, and Hina doing that thing where he powers down like a computer, and me eating, I guess. Yasu's the least predictable, but he's still got his routines."

 

"And me?"

 

"And you, and Ryo. He's followed you around like a puppy for the longest time. He's good at it, good at making it seem like he's not. But he adores you. I don't think he worships you, it's not in that territory. It's soft and natural and it drives him nuts because he doesn't know why he's doing it." 

 

He shifts slightly, and eats some popcorn. Subaru just blinks violently because his contact lenses are tiring him out - another symbol of his life and how he's not really controlling it - and he glances at Ohkura munching thoughtfully.

 

"He doesn't know why he's doing it?"

 

"I don't think so. If he did, he'd be better at hiding the times when he does let it show. It's like Jenga."

 

"Jenga?"

 

"Yeah. Ryo's playing Jenga, by himself. All those blocks are are the crap he has going on in his life. NEWS and us and dramas and CMs and all that, and he's pulling the blocks out and the tower isn't falling."

 

"The tower isn't falling?"

 

"No. He's good at Jenga, but one day the tower will have to fall." Ohkura finishes the popcorn, a brief look of dismay crossing his face before scrunching up the bag and turning to Subaru to look him dead in the eyes. "Someone will have to be there when the Jenga tower falls, you know that, right?"

 

"Me?" Subaru tries to act surprised, but it comes out as flustered and overwhelmed, and from the look on Ohkura's face, it's both too much and just enough information. Like Subaru's managed to confirm something he'd been suspecting for a long time, and it's not lost on Subaru that if Ohkura suspects, then the whole band was probably gossiping about this like a bunch of hens. _Great_. 

 

"I think you're probably the best person there is." Ohkura stands, and puts his hand on Subaru's shoulder. "Okinawa's a long way away, Subaru. And it'll keep getting further away, unless you talk to him."

 

He walks away, leaving Subaru's cheeks burning and a spark of _something_ he can't quite articulate in his chest. Excitement and fear, and that strange, tentative feeling of hope that always seems to crawl out of the dark when you least expect it.

 

But because they're _them_ , he does nothing. Maybe because he's not sure how, or maybe it's his stubbornness making him wait for Ryo to approach him - he's not sure, not really. Ryo becomes quieter, busier with NEWS and dramas, and Subaru pretends not to notice the side-looks Ohkura throws him when he thinks he's not looking. They dance around it - "it" being Okinawa, their situation - in the months that follow, a weird sort of two-step where Ryo sits on one end of the room, Subaru at the other end, with the rest of them trying to exist in the middle. 

 

Subaru's good at pretending, at acting - it comes naturally to him after years of wondering why he'd become a Johnny's anyway. Years of pretending to enjoy the cameras and _Potato_ photoshoots, years and years of choreographed dancing and red accents to his clothes - he's become a goddamn master of it. 

 

Much like with Ryo - he's not even sure what to classify their relationship as, but it's always been…something. Too easy and too hard, too close and too far. Too this and too that, and it's tiring. At his age, he's already tired, and not enjoying himself anymore except when they're on stage, so he throws himself into shows and rehearsals like they are the only thing he has. And, he realises with a punch to the stomach, it is. That, and his boys - his brothers, a team of seven that in any other world, he probably would never have met. 

 

This is when he appreciates it, truly - when they're on stage or screwing around in the Green Room, beating out a new song or just hanging out. This is when he forgets all the problems he has with being a Johnny's and just lets himself be. And this is when it's hardest to breathe when when Ryo's in the room. Because there's this moment that they could be anything but a Johnny's idol group, a group of friends who own a bar or went to university together, and Subaru knows he entertains these thoughts because they lend so heavily into fantasy. 

 

But instead they have this - "this" being Shinkansens and planes back and forth, one tag reading OKA ripped off for TYO, ripped off for KYO. Endless veins criss-crossing across the country, and he wonders what would happen if he just hopped a plane to BKK instead. Stayed on a beach in Thailand, grew his hair longer than it'd been before, a swirl of tattoos across his chest like a silent protest against the Johnny's machine. 

 

But, of course, he doesn't - because all these plans leave him without Eito, or his family - and without -

 

_Without Ryo._

 

With Ryo is hard enough, but without? Subaru thinks about Jenga towers and shit-eating grins that somehow managed to keep him up at night along with his own stubborn stupidity, and reaches for his cigarettes. 

 

\--

 

If there was one thing they were both good at, it was pretending to be other people. They get the script for _8Uppers_ and after the first read through, Hina asks the director brightly if the underlying storyline of Ace and Arsenal's unresolved sexual tension was intentional, causing the room to break into a cacophony of laughter, agreement and silence from Subaru. The director offers a shrug, and a smile, and Ryo notices Subaru move his script a little away from his in a frustrating move he knows was probably unintentional.

 

There's Ace, though - a character he'd never actually thought he'd get to play in a million years, especially funded by J&A. It's a brave movie for a pack of Johnny's to star in, a ballsy one - the group is as excited as kindergarten kids as they read through the fighting, drinking and relationships that Nakamura-san explains he layered to match the ones he'd observed during the brief time he had followed them around. They're almost too sharp, the observations - Maru's Gum being half over-the-top, half scarily focused; Yoko's Mac leading without needing to be asked; Jacky, echoing Hina's ability to keep them all together; Yasu's quiet, bright colour reflecting in Toppo and Ohkura's earnest honesty, slight bitchiness and overwhelming ambiguity bringing Johnny to life. 

 

Then there's Ace and Arsenal. Balls and anger, vice and salvation. The silent dynamics of their relationship read like a story written long, long ago - founded in the orphanage, two kids without a clue except they had to grow up fighting - and Ryo throws the script to the floor of his apartment before tossing himself back onto his couch with a sigh. Subaru was going to hate it, especially the scene in the park, and Ryo's trying to come up with a contingency plan of dealing with a) his own fucking emotions and b) Subaru's, when his phone buzzes.

 

_subaru wants your phone number, can i give it to him_

 

It's Yasu, and Ryo scrunches his forehead in confusion as he clacks out a reply on the phone's keyboard. 

 

_he doesn't have it? and why does he want it?!_

 

Yasu responds quickly: _needs help with the 8uppers script. or he wants to screw your brains out (finally)_

 

The barrage of smiley faces that follows Yasu's mail isn't enough to stop Ryo's heart pounding and his face from rushing red, and when the mail from Subaru pops up, he almost throws his phone out the window.

 

_hey it's subaru! why don't i have your number, that's weird, no? Hey so i was wondering if you wanted to go over the script with me? embarrassing but you are the big mr. actor haha! we have a dress test tomorrow, maybe after then?_

 

Ryo waits as long as he can - so about fifteen seconds - before he replies, simply: _yeah, sounds good._

 

\--

 

Yasu hands Subaru's phone back to him, and leans into the armchair with a smug expression. "You're not high school girls, you know that right?"

 

The panic rises in Subaru's chest, and he frantically begins searching through the sent folder. "What did you say?!"

 

"Subaru. Chill. This is the chance." Yasu gets up, and takes Subaru by the shoulders. "If you don't take it, we're all going to gang up and kill you both, you understand?"

 

Subaru swallows. This was the chance. Three years, too many days and a lot of emotional bullshit he would have happily have traded for anything else in the world - this was the chance, because maybe they could pretend to be other people for a while and try to go from there.

 

\--

 

Subaru looks hot. Stupid hot, even, his hair flowing around his shoulders because the wardrobe mistress hadn't bothered to tie it back before slipping his suit jacket on. It takes Subaru about four minutes before he's unbuttoning the top button and loosening his tie, and Ryo's face must have reflected exactly what he was thinking of doing because he suddenly finds himself crammed into the storage closet and being aggressively stared at by Maru, Yoko and Yasu, with Ohkura talking loudly at Hina about salmon in what Ryo can only assume is a terrible distraction for Subaru's sake.

 

"What?" His voice cracks at the 't' from indignation, like he's thirteen and his voice is just starting to break. 

 

"We understand yours and Subaru's situation, Ryo-chan." Maru looks serious, before pulling his eyes to the ceiling in thought. "Okay, maybe we don't, because you haven't really told us in so many words, but - "

 

"I could see your boner from the other side of the room," Yoko yells. A violent thud assumingly from Ohkura shakes the door, Hina suddenly talking at a great rate of knots to cover Subaru's obvious and confused "what is going on in there?"

 

"I don't have a boner!"

 

"You have a boner!" All three now, and the door almost breaks off the hinges from Ohkura at the same time Hina launches into a fantastically loud story about Shinkansens and “wow don't they go fast Subaru!?”

 

Yasu sighs. "Long story short - Subaru wants to be alone with you today. Willingly. His choice." 

 

"If that's not Subaru's way of offering an invitation for sex in sparkly text and emoticons, I dunno what is," groans Yoko. "If you screw this up, Dokkun, I swear…"

 

"We'll all kill you." Maru nods, serious, making Yasu break into laughter.

 

"Hey, I said that to Subaru last night!" 

 

Ryo's eyes grew wide. "Last night?"

 

"Don't get the wrong idea, Ryo-kun." Yasu smirks. "Subaru's a one man kinda guy if you get me."

 

_A one man kind of guy_ , and they spill back out into the dressing room like a pile of puppies, Ohkura grinning at Hina as he dramatically steps back from the door like a model on a quiz show. And briefly, Subaru meets Ryo's eyes as the wardrobe mistress calls an end to the test, the corners of his mouth quirking a little before he crosses the room and motions to the door.

 

"You still okay for, uh, helping me?"

 

"Yeah." Ryo feels awkward, and it's not just because Subaru's tied his hair up and his neck is exposed, one of his prop revolvers in his hands. It's devastating, actually, the way he looks, and Ryo's grateful for the chair that's blocking his crotch from Subaru's view. "Let's go."

 

"Should I bring the guns?"

 

It's not the right question to ask, but Ryo swallows and attempts a grin. "Why not."

 

\--

 

Ryo looks hot. Rough and tumble hot, his tan on the right side of golden which only worked to highlight the sharp angles of his collarbones. Subaru suddenly needs water, but there's none in the tiny production office's meeting room, so he makes do by coughing and shuffling his script.

 

"So how do you want to do this?" It's one of those questions that has about eight meanings - most of which Subaru knows Ryo didn't mean - and the blustering and blushing Ryo sitting in front of him is pretty much the cutest thing he's ever seen. Because apparently he suddenly thinks like a junior high school girl, and he offers Ryo a lifeline before he entertains the idea of writing Ryo's name in a heart on his script notes.

 

"I dunno, I mean - " he laughs. "I hate acting, man."

 

Ryo looks surprised. "But you're good at it!"

 

"Not as good as you," and there's those eighteen different meanings again, except Subaru lets them all hang there with his expression serious.

 

"Subaru…" But Ryo just trails off, slipping his face back into the mask Subaru had gotten used to seeing since Okinawa, his hands moving around the notebook and script in front of him like they weren't actually attached to him. "Acting is easy. You know? You just have to become the character."

 

"Like…what's that technique? The one all the guys in Hollywood use?"

 

"Method."

 

"Ah, Method acting." Ryo's hands slow, his face lighting up at Subaru's knowledge of the acting technique. Subaru realises that acting wasn't just a side-hobby for Ryo - it was something he genuinely enjoyed, and he's glad this is the framework for them being alone. He relaxes a little, just a little, and smiles. "Do you Method act?"

 

"It's hard! Like, you have to research and become the character in that you need to get right in their brain. Sometimes you even have to pretend to be the character for a while, living and breathing as them. We're lucky, because Nakamura-san's given us all these background notes for the characters and their relationships, so it makes it easier."

 

"Motivations, and stuff?"

 

"Yeah! Like, here," Ryo says, pointing at the scene in the beginning where Ace takes Arsenal's cigarette from his mouth. "This says so much about them, and their relationship. That they share everything, that there's that trust there."

 

"Which is why Arsenal goes to Ace to ask him if people can change?"

 

"I think so. But Arsenal's your character, what do you think?" 

 

Subaru feels confronted, but one look at Ryo's enthusiastic, open face, and he can't help but say it. _This is the chance_. "I think there's something more than trust there."

 

"Yeah? What else?"

 

"I think - I think they love each other."

 

"Like brothers?"

 

"No. Not like brothers. But what do you think?"

 

Ryo's eyes widen in surprise, then darken, and Subaru watches him intensely. "I think it's more than brothers." Ryo shuffles the papers one more time, before his hands go completely still. "I think Ace only feels comfortable when he's in control, and Arsenal doesn't allow him that. So it kind of…turns him on, probably."

 

Subaru swallows, heavily. "Arsenal has control issues, too. But with Ace he seems to let his guard down. Like he wants to let him in."

 

"Yeah, I see that. And…I think they get a power high after they go on missions, and Ace corners Arsenal in the alley behind the bar and…" Ryo licks his lips. "Ace lets Arsenal fuck him against the brick wall, because he's the only one he trusts with helping get rid of the aggression. What do you th-"

 

Subaru stops him, his pants growing tight at the thought of Ryo - _Ace_ \- letting him do that to him. "This Method acting, right? We actually pretend to be like the characters?"

 

"Do you want to give it a try?" Ryo raises an eyebrow, and almost instantly he's pulled on Ace. Cocksure, arrogant, take-me-or-leave me Ace, and Subaru almost freezes at the change. Until Ryo - no, Ace - says it - " _Arsenal_?"

 

\--

 

Arsenal smells like sweat and aftershave - Ace didn't even know he _wore_ the stuff, but it fills his nose as he dips his mouth to catch the pulse point in Arsenal's neck. His tongue touches skin, dragging it along until he reaches Arsenal's collarbones and before using his teeth to nip at the bone. Because that's how Ace liked it, all bruises and bitemarks, and he grabs Ace's hair and roughly yanks him back so they're looking eye to eye.

 

"Are you ready for this?" And Ace's mask almost slips at the rough, gutteral way Arsenal says it, like he'd been waiting a lifetime to do so - the bleach white walls of some faceless office in Tokyo almost pull back into focus, but he decides not to worry about the why but focus on the how. His hand down Arsenal's pants would be a good place to start, the action disarming him enough to throw the expression on his face from cocky to confused; Ace makes quick work of the belt and suit slacks, dropping them to the floor and letting Arsenal kick them to the side. His cock is straining through his underwear - plain, almost boring, underwear - and Ace leans in to kiss him, making sure to dip his hips and make their crotches brush. The moan that pulls from Arsenal's mouth was enough to make Ace clamp his hand over his mouth to keep him quiet.

 

"We're kinda in public." Ace smirks. "But you like being gagged, don't you. It's in your character, under the angry, silent jerk and all the gun shit. You're a kinky motherfucker, aren't you?" Ace gets half a nod in response before his hand is ripped off along with his shirt. Arsenal's face is almost placid, as if he were on a job and this was just part of the plan laid out beforehand by Mac, and he grabs Ace's neck, pulling him towards him until they're kissing, violently. Ace pushes his tongue through, using that as a momentary distraction so he can pull Arsenal out and start jerking him off. 

 

A growl rips from Arsenal's lips - that's really the only way it can be described - an animalistic, angry sound that makes Ace so hard, he almost stops working his hand up and down Arsenal's dick. He doesn't though, because it's driving Arsenal absolutely nuts - he's started slowly, because that's the way Arsenal _hates_ it; brushing his thumb over the tip that's slightly already wet and causing Arsenal's hips to buck towards the pace being set by Ace's practiced hand. A smirk spreads on Ace's face - he loves this, watching Arsenal come undone, his hands gripping at Ace's hair so hard he's sure a chunk will come out when he eventually lets go. But it's good, it's fucking good, it's like the greatest, angriest foreplay ever and Ace reaches forward to kiss Arsenal because he can sense he's close to coming.

 

Then there's Arsenal's hands fumbling for Ace's belt buckle, bringing Ace's hand to a stop on Arsenal's cock in utter surprise. 

 

"This is new," Ace manages, and Arsenal looks him dead in the eyes. Like he's trying to tell him something, and Ace sees something that almost shocks the pants - literally - off him; something he doesn't want to articulate, so instead he breaks the eye contact and allows Arsenal to get a grip on his own cock as they awkwardly yet furiously begin to beat the other off at a pace that's almost competitive. It's hot, sweaty, sticky, messy and _fucking amazing_. Ace's heart is beating like a jackhammer, the static of lust pounding in his ears. 

 

"Look at me." Arsenal's voice is heavy, husky with that something else from before, and Ace does. It's enough, and he loses it, coming with Arsenal close behind, the pressure and the pleasure almost too much. He falls against Arsenal and they slip down the wall onto the floor in a heap.

 

"You're a messy motherfucker," Ace growls, and anything else he's going to say is silenced by an angry kiss. 

 

\--

 

"We ruined the suits."

 

"I -" Subaru untangles himself - _Subaru_ , he thinks, _not Arsenal_ , and he's confused. Because this just happened, in the most fucked up way only they could have managed. "I don't want to do this."

 

He doesn't look down at Ryo, just zips up his pants and tries to find something to clean himself up with, spotting a tissue box across the room.

 

"That's not fair." Ryo's voice is cold, angry and… _scared_? It shocks him enough to turn around and face him - and what just happened - and he almost doesn't see the punch coming before it cracks into his jaw.

 

"What. The. Fuck?!" 

 

"You don't get to say shit like that. Because we just did 'this'." Ryo scrapes the air angrily, to show exactly what he thinks of Subaru using the word 'this' in regards to the fact they just jerked each other off in a faceless production office, their bandmates and soon-to-be colleagues only rooms away. "It happened, and I'm so sick of you being so…fucking Subaru all the time."

 

Subaru feels his face tighten, and his heart begin to beat like he was having a heart attack. "I can't be anyone else but Subaru. And if you can't deal with that, then we should just ignore each other for the majority of the time." He scowls. “We’re pretty good at that.”

 

"And just keep going around in circles?" Ryo laughs, harshly, and grabs his shirt from the floor. "Do you not get it? Do you really not get it? Are you that fucking _stupid_?!" 

 

And just like that, Subaru is angry. Livid, actually, so he crosses the room and grabs Ryo by the collar and without warning, kisses him. Not like Ace and Arsenal, but like Subaru and Ryo - tentative, lips closed until he can't take the chasteness and he pushes his tongue past Ryo's teeth like a punctuation mark. It's not like the kiss backstage in Okinawa - it means more, it's less about getting off and more about what they couldn't say because they were both so ridiculously broken in all the ways they shouldn't be when it came to this stuff. 

 

The kiss deepens. It's scarily right - and Subaru just nods when Ryo mutters against his lips that they should go back to his.

 

\--

 

The cab ride is silent, the quiet only broken by the barrage of mails from the rest of Kanjani8 that neither of them read to the other.

 

_ganbatte! no details, thanks!_ says Maru. _you weren't exactly silent, just saying_ , from Yoko. _i hope your house is clean_ , Ohkura manages to summon as a sign of support. _subaru's favourite place to be kissed is where his earlobes meet his neck_ , and Ryo suddenly wants to punch Yasu in a jealous rage. He assumes the mails Subaru is receiving are similar if not the same, and he can't help but smile out the window into the darkness outside.

 

They barely make it past the genkan. It's like their years of awkwardness just fall away, like they're too tired to hold on to it anymore, and Ryo's back is against the wall, scraping his fingers down the bare skin Subaru always seemed to have exposed when he wore button-down shirts. It makes Subaru shudder, his eyes closing slightly, and Ryo quickly reaches up to Subaru's hair and pulls it out of the ponytail he's scraped it into.

 

"You like my hair," the shock evident in Subaru's voice.

 

"You didn't know?" 

 

"How -" and Subaru pulls Ryo forward toward him by his belt - "would -" quick work of the zipper, and Ryo's suddenly half-naked against the cold - "I know -" Subaru's hands on his hips, dragging him backwards towards the bedroom - "that?"

 

They don't turn on any lights, the streetlights from outside enough to guide them towards the bedroom and the bed. "I thought you'd just…I just thought you'd notice."

 

"Notice?" They're both pulling their clothes off now, almost in a rush, and Subaru fixes him with a look that Ryo can't quite read. "I thought you'd notice that sometimes - most of the time - you're all I can look at."

 

It's the first confirmation from him that Ryo's had that maybe this whole tango they'd been dancing wasn't just a figment of his imagination. That it wasn't some ridiculous confused fantasy coming from the dick of Nishikido Ryo, Johnny's most emotionally void and awkward Playboy, and he almost collapses with relief. Instead, he looks Subaru's naked body over from top to toe, appreciating - he's slight, he always has been; lines and bones, beautiful hands marred by the tattoo removal scars he was now collecting. He's perfect, really, in that way that he wasn't, and Ryo pushes him back onto the bed with a force that makes Subaru almost instantly hard.

 

"Lube," is all Subaru manages as he spreads himself out on Ryo's bed like he owned it. His hand finds his own cock, and he's stroking in such a lazy, smug way that Ryo almost wants to draw this out for both himself and to piss Subaru off. But it's too close now, here finally without pretense or pretending to be someone else, and Ryo jumps across Subaru, reaches into his bedside drawer and pulls the lube and condom out. Coating his finger with the lube, he settles himself between Subaru's legs, and, as their eyes meet, he uses his finger to slowly push into Subaru.

 

The noise Subaru makes isn't human. In Ryo's fantasies, he's a screamer - and ten points, subconscious, it looks like it's true, his face contorting with pleasure as Ryo pushes in further. He's almost about to add a second finger when Subaru coughs it out - 

 

"Do it. You. Now."

 

Ten seconds, condom on, and Ryo's holding Subaru's legs as he positions himself. It's here Subaru's face softens, and Ryo almost calls it off because of the way he's looking at him. Like those bullshit feelings are actually something tangible and real, and when Subaru nods, a tense smile on his face, Ryo pushes into him and anything warm and fuzzy he was feeling is replaced by the raw pleasure of being inside Subaru.

 

"Oh god, Ryo - " and a wicked moan rips from Subaru as Ryo begins to pound him, quicker. Subaru's hand scrambles to find his own cock, but Ryo gets there quicker and begins to stroke him with one hand while the other grips at Subaru's hipbones enough to give him bruises that match the slight one forming on his face from Ryo's out-of-the-blue punch earlier. The response is Subaru clenching around Ryo with a smirk on his face usually reserved for the unreserved On-Stage Subaru, and Ryo almost sees stars.

 

"You're easy to read," Subaru pants, grabbing his dick above Ryo's and stroking it in tandem. 

 

"And you're more like Arsenal than you think you are," Ryo mutters, taking his hand off of Subaru and using his free hand to yank him closer by the hair for a violent kiss that makes them both moan unintelligibly. It's incredibly hot, how in sync they are, and Ryo bites Subaru's lip before dropping him back onto the bed and throwing one of his legs over his shoulder to get deeper. The response from Subaru is a noise that's probably loud enough to wake Ryo's rather well-to-do Roppongi neighbours, but the fucks he gives at this moment are next to none.

 

"Faster," Subaru manages to get out, his hand stroking faster as Ryo complies. He's close, so is Subaru, the sweat beading on both of their bodies and fact both of them are panting like they're running a marathon the sure signs, as well as the pressure building inside Ryo that he's sure is going to rip him in half if he didn't release it soon.

 

"I'm gonna -" and he does, coming inside Subaru while still moving against him. The sight must be enough for Subaru, and he comes all over his stomach and hand, his back arching up into Ryo like a scene from one of his dirtiest shower fantasies. As much as he wants to stare forever, at a boneless, panting Subaru laying in front of him, he quickly pulls out, ties off the condom and throws it in the trash with practiced finesse, as Subaru cleans himself up. 

 

He doesn't care how stupid it is - Ryo feels amazing, his head is spinning, and he falls onto Subaru clumsily and messily.

 

"Oi," Subaru's poking him, but Ryo just closes his eyes and smiles.

 

"Ryo is closed for the weekend. Please call again the day after tomorrow," and Subaru laughs loudly. 

 

"We start filming tomorrow, though!"

 

"I'm sorry I punched you." He blurts it out, keeps his eyes closed, until he feels the pressure of Subaru's hand on his forehead. Soft, brushing his hair out of his closed eyes, and Ryo knows he understands where it came from, even if Ryo couldn't. 

 

"Apologise to the makeup staff. You're explaining it."

 

"Fair enough. But you’ll be in that suit again, so it's okay, I'll get over the embarrassment." Ryo opens his eyes to find Subaru watching him, a weird, content half-smile on his face. Like Ryo's given him a puppy, a cake and a new guitar all in one go, and it's kind of great. 

 

"Do you want me to bring the guns again?" Because apparently there's going to be a next time, and Ryo smiles. 

 

"Oh yeah. And maybe your Eight Ranger suit."

 

\--

 

They play Ace and Arsenal like late night lovers, and the others complain it shows too much on-screen. Nakamura-san just smiles, praises them both for their performances. 

 

"Shibutani-san, you really gave Arsenal a dimension I didn't think you could."

 

Subaru's not sure if this is a compliment, but he takes it anyway - "I couldn't have done it without Ryo's help."

 

That's enough to break Kanjani8 out into hysterical laughter and disgusting double-entendres, so Subaru just laughs before looking at Ryo and shaking his head.

 

\--

 

But because they're _them_ , it begins to mirror Okinawa and starts to slow again. Stops, actually, under the glare of the band's constant barrage of questions (despite not wanting to know anything previously) and because Subaru's demons seem to be too big for any of them to understand completely. Ryo wants to, and he tells him this; but it's Yasu who tells him to be patient one late night in July, that like anything inevitable, they'll find their way back again. 

 

Ryo finds himself chasing tail and drinking a lot, until finally he can't take it anymore and he makes the call to Julie. It's tough. There's a lot of yelling, meetings and ultimatums - "you'd better make the right decision" is screamed at him more than once, and Yamapi's the only one who seems to get it, but for different reasons. They're both told to keep their mouths shut until the day of the official announcement - set despite Ryo not actually making a decision which band he'll stay with - and somehow he manages to keep it from Kanjani8 and NEWS, even though he sucks at keeping secrets. 

 

But there's one person he wants to tell, needs to ask - the one person he was so sure wanted him gone before, but now too much had happened for Ryo to just let it go. They're practicing, late in September, and he'd rather be doing anything else in the whole world - but eventually, he gets up enough guts during a break to drag Subaru out of the practice room and into the back alley. The sun blinds them both a little, and Ryo can sense the tension filling the air between them, much like the silence. They've barely been alone since Subaru pulled back, and Ryo notices with surprise just how tired and beaten Subaru looks. 

 

"What." Subaru finally spits it out, not a question, a mark of petulance, and it's here Ryo tries not to let his anger show. Instead, he lights a cigarette and offers Subaru one, even though his petty inner child doesn't want to. 

 

"I'm...I’m going to leave a group, so I have to make a decision. About NEWS and Kanjani8, because. Because I can't do both anymore. And I wanted to tell you that myself." 

 

A dog barks in the distance, and the silence stretches out in front of them like a void. Ryo expects him to ask why, angrily, but he doesn’t; the silence gets longer and the dog keeps barking.

 

"It's good." Eventually Subaru speaks, his voice heavy. He takes a drag of the cigarette, and doesn't meet Ryo's eyes.

 

"What is." 

 

"Giving you a choice, man. I mean, NEWS is probably the better ch -"

 

"Why." The crack in Ryo's voice makes Subaru finally look at him. "Why is NEWS a better choice? Because you'll be rid of me forever, right?"

 

Subaru's face is blank, but Ryo doesn't miss his fingers shaking as he takes a drag of his cigarette. 

 

"Ryo," and he says it with as much sincerity Ryo's probably ever heard, "Kanjani8 would be lost without you."

 

And for once, Ryo can read between the lines perfectly clearly - and when Subaru's mouth comes crashing down his, all teeth and brutality and his face scrunched into one of such frustration and confusion and _love_ , Ryo realises his decision was already made the moment he picked up the phone and called Julie.

 

\--

 

They're good at pretending to be other people. _With_ other people, letting the world see Yellow and Red, while privately, the two of them tried to work out how exactly Ryo and Subaru worked, together. 

 

Ryo stays with Kanjani8, and Subaru's fingers twitch for a cigarette even though he’s trying hard to give up.

 

Ryo stays, so Subaru reaches for his hand instead of another smoke, and holds on for dear life. 

 

\--


End file.
